This Is Fact, Not Fiction...

To run. Correr. Correndo.
Mentally, running can be quite a tool.
Over the summer I found myself running late at night... talking to myself... out loud (if you have seen Watchmen, I sounded like Rorschach).
Mulling over anything... everything... especially things that intensified my emotions, that made me angry, which wasn't too hard in light of my surroundings at the time.
I think so clearly and so honestly when I run. I know exactly what I need to do and say. And I'm set on it, I will myself into a determined spirit. I think of current conflicts and feelings I am in/have, and I solve them. But then I realize that it's really hard to carry that determination over into post-run. I guess that's the fault. I can't take each of my conflicts on a run with me and tell them how I feel. Eventually, there's a point when one needs to destroy one's fear. Utterly. I think I'm close, in some aspects, and maybe too close.
Too close as in, if I conquer too many fears/worries in one particular area, there won't be enough to caution. Like... if I conquer my fear of being lonely, and things surrounding that, to where I am so overly confident that there's no chance I'll ever be lonely... I'll end up throwing away potential relationships in complete assurance that I'll have just as good of relationships elsewhere... if not better. Because that's how the world works.

I've lost serious interest in this topic. seriously.

In Watchmen, there's a superhero (term used loosely) named The Comedian.

He says:
      "Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense"

That's how I feel. A lot. I have gone through so many ideas, thoughts, concepts, actions, motions, motives, glories, horrors that everything just sort of slides into the next... almost graceful, no matter the level of reality, there's no time to rest, I eventually just learned to roll... roll with the punches, one might say.
Ecclesiastes really says it all... 1:9...

      "What has been will be again,
        what has been done will be done again;
        there is nothing new under the sun."

That's how I feel. A lot. Again. Like I already said that. I know. Rarely do I hear something leave a friends mouth that hasn't crossed my mind many times... even when I was a decade younger.
Only recently did I come across I different approach from a friend.
I was telling her about an/a album/song titled "In Our Bedroom After the War".
I always thought of it as... Post war, like a real war, like a battle that had taken place between two warring people. But the conflict had ended, whether in loss or in victory, at this point it doesn't matter... what does matter is that the soldier has reunited with his lover, his other being, his life (in human form)... and really they don't even have to be sexually united, far more important is their physical and mental reuniting... a connection of Presence. Going back home... arriving... walking up the stairs to the one room that is private and completely their own. And simply being.
That's what I thought.
But this girl brought up a whole different aspect. Maybe the war isn't a fight of guns and soldiers. It is a battle between the two lovers. It is their own war, against one another. Which sounds pretty obvious... but I don't think it is. Or maybe that's the difference between my gender and the alternative. So... taking that and combining it to my previous stated idea of the Bedroom, truly the one room in the house that is personal... and it is torn apart by a civil war.
Magnificent.
That's just as powerful, if not More so... since it's much more relatable... it means a lot more to us...

That was a nice breath of fresh air.